The suckiest, yet most exhilarating part of life is that it will never be like it was.
Unless you live in an impenetrable box, there’s no way change won’t happen in your life. Life goes on with or without your permission. Sometimes our biggest hurdle is accepting that.
And there is the beautiful caveat: it will never be the same, and thus, there are endless possibilities ahead of you. The unknown future can be exciting and a fun challenge to take on.
Holding On & Letting Go
A woman I know got divorced over a decade ago. Though she’s been married and divorced another time since, she cannot seem to let go of her life that once was. She holds on to material possessions from the past, as if she’s clutching to what once was; her one last tangible proof that she had a better life before. I realized that if she were able to let go and let herself heal, she would find the strength and peace to accept that the past is gone. It will never come back. And though it is heartbreaking and almost unbearable, finding acceptance of the change and the ability to close the chapter is the most freeing experience. You grow because of it.
I had to look myself in the face when I realized I had done this very same thing as the woman. I had had many failed relationships, career pursuits, as well as a myriad of abusive experiences in my life, and these moments from my past were defining my present and carving my future. Here, I couldn’t let go of my hurt and pain. I felt justified in my anger, and to be honest, I was. But I also looked around and realized I could let myself close the chapter. I had become so reliant on my pain as the driving force of my art, my existence, that I didn’t know how to live without it. What I needed was to give myself permission to let it go.
Draw A Line in the Sand
My dear boyfriend has listened to all of the stories and stuck it out with me in moments where the past was ruling me. After some weeks of light nudges from him, I finally realized he was right:
A) The past does not define me.
B) Why would I let something that happened months or years ago affect my current reality?
Related: 7 Signs You’re Resisting Change
Traumatic events live in your body, and I definitely have worked and still continue to work on healing those from the inside out. But, there also is a point where you’ve done a lot of the work, felt the majority of the pain, and you have to draw a line in the sand, and try to move on.
You can’t wait for some hypothetical justice to right all the times you were wronged or throw a fit because you’ve tried enough and it’s time to throw in the towel. No.
You draw the line and say,
I can’t change the past. But I can change my future. I’m moving on now.
Don’t let what happened ruin you forever. What was out of our control is now controlling us. The biggest truth is that we have all the power in our minds. How are we using our minds to make the most of what we have? How do we condition our minds to find our strength and get back up? Will we let the tragedies get the best of us? Knock the wind out of our lungs and the fire out of our legs?
I let it take the best of me for over a year and a half. My spirit died and I thought I would never come back, truly. But slowly, I am finding the fire again. I am closing the book of my past and drawing the line in the sand.
It will never be as it was, and that is painful. But thank goodness, it will never be as it was, because the pain is over & there is so much to create and explore now!
May you find the opportunity instead of the obstacle of things never being the same.
May you get back up and find your strength again.
I hope you find the courage to move on and move forward.5