To those who struggle during the holidays, whether because of things that have happened in the past, or because of how things are with your family, know you’re not alone. I showed up to a party last night and wanted to burst into tears because the holidays have never been the same since my parents got divorced, and the holidays are filled with more gloom than glitter these days. Even though it was almost 10 years ago that they split, the repercussions continue to wreak havoc on major events in my life and they will continue to. It can get messy during the holidays, and it can get depressing and just about no fun.

Some of these feelings and circumstances are out of our control. But, here are things we can focus on to make these rough moments better.

Here are a few things we can focus on and control:

Create a new expectation of the holidays

If we keep expecting things to be how they were, we’ll always be disappointed. Have no expectations so that you can always be pleasantly surprised.

Be present

Let go of expectations, erase the past, and just be in the moment. Connect with others; let them in.

Create new traditions

It’s time to make new traditions to look forward to.

Accept what has happened

We can’t always change what happened, but we can just accept that it did. It’s much easier to move on from something when we embrace it for what it is, even if it completely sucks.

Forgive the past

Let it go, set it free.

Decide to enjoy rather than have a pity party

To move on, we must move forward. And sometimes, we just have to draw a line and start the new chapter intentionally.

Open your heart to new possibilities

Just because things aren’t the same doesn’t mean that they can’t be amazing. Allow goodness to come into your heart.

Know you’re not alone. There are many that struggle during the holidays. I pray we all have feelings of settlement and find happiness in the small moments. Let’s not put too much pressure on the holidays to be perfect. They can be just as special as we let them be.