Thoughts Before I Turn 20

Before I turn 20 tomorrow, I am reflecting on what the past year has taught me.

This last year has been the hardest year of my life. I’ve had other difficult years, no doubt, but I think your emotional pain tolerance just keeps on growing with the help of heavier trials.
I have had a lot of failures, made so many stupid mistakes, and hit rock bottom a few times. But man, am I stronger for it. I wouldn’t want to go back to those moments of pain, regret, doubt, fear, and sadness, but I am so glad I experienced them. Those low moments are the determining factors, the play dough that shapes us.

 Some lessons I learned over my 19th year.

Going on, living your life doesn’t mean you have healed from the past.

You need to sit down with yourself and listen to the pain. Feel it. Cry it out. Talk to someone about it. Write down your feelings. Then slowly, with time, you’ll find the heavy weight slipping away, and more spring in your step.

Love everyone, but make them earn your trust.

Thanks dad for telling me this after a huge life change happened.

A lot of people over promise and under deliver, so when someone promises you the world, take it with a grain of salt. 

There are secret opportunities in every failure.

Plot twist! A failure is a gateway to something even better.

Learn to love yourself as you are. 

You can’t always look to others for validation. Learn to tell yourself that you are enough.  

 Peace is there when you stop looking for the next best thing.

Peace doesn’t come from being cool or owning nice clothes. Peace comes when you’re vulnerable, when you serve others, read your scriptures, say your prayers, and seek to do God’s will.


Don’t get serious or too hard. Life is meant to be enjoyed. 

 There were moments I thought I needed to have it all figured out, but no, I don’t. I need to just live and have fun. You just need to let go.


Choosing to look around at all of the amazing things happening in your life, makes you so much happier. 

 It definitely doesn’t erase the bad things, but it allows you to be grateful and present in today seeing all that you have.

What I want to be better at this year:


Maintaining friendships. I’m an independent, self-sufficient free spirit who is content being a hermit. I need to be better at keeping up with and making new friendships.
Taking care of myself. Have you ever been hangry? {aka hungry and angry} I always thought that was a stupid word until I felt it on a spiritual level the past few months. I’d get pretty crabby and it was ruining my day and relationships with people. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly, and exercising isn’t selfish; it’s essential to your wellbeing.
Maintaining balance. Emotional. Physical. Mental. Spiritual. Social. Service. Gratitude.
Keep on pursuing what keeps me up at night. I’ve definitely learned that going for your dream is SO worth it. One dream of mine was to do Hot Commodesty. It took a long time to figure it all out, but it’s been a blast, and I love that I get to do what I love everyday! Now I just have to check off the rest of the list.
All in all, don’t give up. Some moments are unbearable, but as Kelly Clarkson said, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Goodbye teens. Hello 20.

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  1. You're so genuine and honest and I just love that! I've missed you posts SO much. I hope you had the most wonderful Birthday! You deserve it 🙂