After being in an abusive relationship and just years of being a human being, I realized I have negative thoughts swirling around in my head daily. I would never talk out loud to someone this way, so why would I talk to myself this way? Sometimes it feels as if I have the angel and demon cartoon characters sitting on my shoulders. The angel is loving and forgiving, but seldom speaks up. The devil is always there, pestering and questioning me for every move I make. Do you ever feel this way? What I’ve come to realize is that, you can’t simply just wish those bad thoughts away. You have to intentionally spend time rewiring your thoughts and dispelling the bad so that positive reinforcements can come in. As I’m just starting out, and seeing some progress, I wanted to share what I’m doing to erase negative self talk.
What is negative self talk?
These are negative patterns we’ve subconsciously built our entire lives within our heads. It’s the doubt, the negative nancy yammering away as we go about our day. It will take time to erase these thoughts. Be patient and loving with yourself. You are only incapable and undeserving if you believe you are.
Get a real thought.
When a negative thought surfaces, ask yourself is this is really true or if your thoughts are spiraling. Maybe you’re exaggerating the truth.
- “I suck at everything.”
- “Why even try because I’m going to fail.”
- “I look awful everyday.”
These are hyperbolic moments that are generalizing and making you feel bad. Give yourself a reality check and realize that these aren’t true.
Does your doubt have any merit being there?
Is it just your fear limiting you?
Feed your mind what it doesn’t hear enough.
I AM CAPABLE.
I AM ENOUGH AS I AM.
I AM WHOLE.
Using mantras can completely change the way you see yourself and your life. Have you reminded yourself of how amazing you are lately? You should be doing it every day. You should be clapping for yourself and the amazing things you accomplish moment to moment.
Adjust your inner criticism to be caring rather than condescending.
Maybe you really did have way too many cookies and steered off the beaten path. It’s possible you shouldn’t have done that. Sometimes we mess up, and should do things differently. But instead of harping on ourselves to the point that we feel really shameful (and want a carton of Ben & Jerry’s), we should have some mercy. Cut yourself some slack!
- “Yeah, you shouldn’t have eaten that many cookies. Today has been rough though. It’s okay. Tomorrow we’ll eat more clean to get back on track.”
- “That tone didn’t come across the right way. Next time, I’ll be aware of how I’m saying it.”
- “Yes, I’m late again. Rather than feeling hurried and bad about it, I’m going to live with the fact that I’m late instead of apologizing.”
Respond with love. Give that love to yourself for once.
Follow up anything negative with realistic positivity.
If you’re feeling like you can’t accomplish anything, sit back and listen to what your fears are telling you. Maybe you’re lacking sleep, or have a limiting belief with success. Or it’s possible you aren’t allowing yourself enough time and patience to get where you want to be. Don’t just erase the thoughts and not give them a voice. There’s a reason why they’re there. Let them tell you what needs to be fixed.
There are negative energies around us that want us to be unhappy and unsuccessful. There are days you will have to rise above your negative thoughts and simply remind yourself of your strength. Never wallow, but allow yourself to live in a place of sadness. Erasing negative self talk doesn’t mean we are supposed to be happy 100% of the time. Feel your feelings.
Be kind to yourself. Accept yourself and your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not always being put together. And create healthy thoughts.
PHOTOS BY ANNA LOADER PHOTO
I’d love to hear any suggestions you have speaking to yourself in a more positive, healthy way!1