We all just want to keep it in, put on a happy face, and pretend everything is fine. “Don’t worry! I am going through the worst thing ever, but really, I’ve got it handled.” Why do we do this to ourselves? Maybe because we don’t want to appear weak, we are afraid to let others in, or just feel stupid asking for help. Whatever the reason, it has to stop.
You’re not fine. And that’s okay.
Most of my life, I’ve diminished the fact that going through my parents’ divorce wasn’t hard. When it was. Cause I wanted to appear stronger? Probably. So I could seem all calm and collected? Totally. What I was missing out on by pretending that the divorce wasn’t a big deal, was the opportunity to connect with people and allow myself to heal, with people by my side.
One day, I had about a million things on my plate and I was just plain stressed. I was running late and it seemed everything was falling apart, and as my mom came to pick me up for the event, I just started bawling. (I do not cry in front of people, so this was a big deal.) My mom stopped everything, despite us being late, and said,
“I didn’t know this was going on with you. You need to let people in so they can help you. Let me carry some of your load. You don’t have to do it alone.”
What an amazing thing for her to say, right? It still hasn’t left my mind since that day.
Now, it’s been a few years since then, and I feel like I’m really just now learning how to ask for help. After a mega breakup, I realized I could not do it alone, nor was it smart for me to do it alone. I started reaching out to friends and family in my weak moments because I needed their help, their support, and their love. Because, in those weak moments, don’t we just have the worst thoughts about ourselves? Those are the moments we need others to remind us what the truth is, without our spiraling negative thoughts clouding our reasoning.
Sharing is caring, so open up and let someone in.
Giving other people the opportunity to help us in our time of need is not selfish! It’s not prideful. It’s not inconvenient. It is the right thing to do. It’s the best thing to do, actually. Not only will we be able to get through it much more smoothly (hello, strength in numbers!), but we will be able to build relationships not just based on common interest and proximity, but on real, supportive love that has known pain and suffering. That is what brings people together. That is what makes friends for life.
Now, I’m not perfect at this. I’m still learning. But as I’ve started opening up to people and sharing my pain, my fear, and my emotions, I’ve learned how many people have my back. I’ve learned that just because I’m not fine or doing perfect doesn’t mean that I am unworthy of love or of help.
So can we make a pact? That we will just be real? That if we’re not okay, we’ll admit it? That we won’t push away our feelings, and just actually feel them? And that if we need some support, we’ll ask for it, even if it is hard to do?
I hope you say yes to each of these questions. I know I say this a lot, but take up some space and then let others into your space. You don’t have to do this alone. You’re not stronger if you do it alone. You’re stronger if you seek what you lack. Give yourself the best chance to get better by reaching out. And if you have no one you feel you can reach out to, please send me a message and I will be here for you.
May we let people in and build a community of realness and openness. May we become amazing instead of “fine” because we work through our struggles hand in hand. Sending all my love ❤️4